Irony strikes again. Yesterday morning while having breakfast I noticed a show on Discovery Science called "The Prophets of Sci-Fi". Oddly enough just a couple of days ago I was thinking that occult faculties of the mind and scientific approach are not compatible with one another. In the nick of time my mind was saved from the endless debate by finding out that Phillip K. Dick, an epic author of epic sci-fi stories and tales with an epic mind to match, had visions. And visions of remarkable precision. As I recently abandoned believing in coincidences, I have some difficulty adjusting to the idea that maybe the world shrugged and tried to pull me away from my dilemma and offer me a sure way of accepting reality in all its complexity.
With a cat now securely guiding my energy field I can safely say I'm still searching for the time and dedication to pursue my goal of achieving powers above imagination. So far I'm just good at imagining powers above imagination. But so far so good. However my ability to restrain from random thoughts and quiet my mind is growing and developing. It's still a bit hazy to make it last more than a couple of minutes, but still it is quite a progress in my humble opinion.
I stand confused. I'm starting to think my english has turned sour over the years. I can think of no better solution than to read what I write. I hate doing that. After I painfully try to put into words the thoughts that revolve inside my skull I can't get myself to read the result. It's as if I exorcise my demons and then have to confront them again. To date I have read about 2 or 3 posts. I'm saving the reading part for later in life, when I'll probably be old and wrinkly and my brain will have had several serious traumas. Only then maybe the thoughts of youth will boost my spirit and allow myself to gorge on the energy that was spent over the years writing this. Doing so the thirst for self preservation would perhaps be quenched. Looking deep in the future I would like to see myself as an extremely successful civil engineer, with many buildings and projects to brag about to my children, grand children, and random offspring in the city parks in which I would make daily trips to ponder about life and its mysteries. I have doubts about whether or not I achieved salvation or enlightenment. To achieve enlightenment I would probably have to stop all useless activities, and that seems at the moment an impossible feat. Imagining it to be quite the "end-game" epic feat I tend to put it on such a high ground that it's impossible for me to reach. I might very well be discouraging myself from reaching it by just thinking it. Strange and impossible at it may seem, the simple fact that only one human managed to get to it during his life time is enough of a discouraging fact to knock me off my feet and sweep me calmly to a more convenient purpose in life. But what is my purpose in life? I remember first playing World Of Warcraft a couple of years ago on a private romanian server (I think this was back in 2005) and the first quest I had the honor of receiving from an NPC was a quest called "Your Place In The World". I remember being struck by the idea that in real life I had no one to guide me towards a quest so important, a question of such an importance. I've been riding the train of life not knowing where exactly it's taking me. Every step I take I get closer to becoming the train conductor. Am I now the train conductor? Do I clearly see the tracks? Even if I am the conductor, are there infinite tracks or must I take great care in changing the track I'm on? Do I ever run out of track? Who made the track? Why is there a track and not an uncharted area of random directions like bubbles in a soda can? Why must I be forced to run on predestined tracks? Are the tracks predestined? Is my train bound to the tracks by past decisions which I now must face and accept that the tracks I left behind are there to stay no matter what I do? Are we driven by causality or is there more to life than meets our eyes and logic?
PS: The train analogy keeps ringing up the song of Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train. Am I going off the rails on a crazy train?