Cataclysm

As I start laying down thoughts in english, it is a must to state that my mind has violently accepted the possibility that switching to english might alter my approach to extract thoughts from my skull and place them upon the binary halls of knowledge of the all powerful internet. I fear that my inner thoughts have long abandoned the use of english as a primordial dialect during the intense council meetings that happen within the confines of my brain. Still, I find it to be a prerequisite of extraordinary importance in the chain of events that are set in motion. It is refreshing to see the lack of red underlining under each and every word, and it is quite a delight to experience once again the thought grinding in another language. So let us henceforth acknowledge that this blog will turn a sudden twist and change for the better. I hope.

Today I watched the highly anticipated (by me mostly) movie called Prometheus. Having long been a fan of Alien and the following sequels, I have always wondered what the Space Jockeys were, and were did they come from. Did they resemble us, did we have a connection with them? Were they simply transporting Xenomorphs or were they the engineers who created Xenomorphs? Fortunately I don't intend to be a spoiler so i won't ruin the movie yet. I can still declare that I was in for some mild disappointment. I expected to see the origins and the Jockeys, but it didn't come to happen. What did happen during the movie that quite had a special appeal to me, was the link between ancient aliens and our human nature. Were we influenced in the past by some superior alien race? In my youth I came upon the books of Erich Von Daniken, who introduced me to the theory of ancient aliens influencing our ancestors genepool and altering the course of evolution as we know it. The theory tickles my ideas as it feeds both my need to understand evolution, and my need of knowing we're not alone. I deeply and honestly desire I will live long enough for mankind to make contact with another race, another intelligent extra-terrestrial life form. In any way possible, even by radio and by binary bits of information, if we make contact, I can die happily.

My dreams have lately been especially violent. I have been shot and murdered in the most variable modes available. In my last dream, my death came as a burst round of 7.62 mm bullets that pierced my torso, cutting through my vital organs, thus allowing me to switch to another plane of existence. The weirdest part was that I again did not wake from my slumber while dying. I simply tried to hold on to my bayonet and tried to cut off my long hair (realistically in real life my hair is quite short, I had long hair only one year in my entire life). As the breath of life escaped my lungs my mind fell into a dreamless sleep which lasted until the regular morning alarm-clock waking. I believe it is about the 5th or 6th time i've died in my dreams and did not wake up immediately. I feel my mind is starting to come to peace with the phenomenon I quite refrain from thinking about. Must I accept the possibility of imminent death in order to understand the nature of life? Must I experience death in my dreams for when I shall encounter it in the future I shall be prepared for it? Am I being prepared by my own mind for a war? My last dreams of death contained various war scenarios. Assaults, brutal onslaughts and city sieges. All very real and very realistic. Some with varying old technology (such as World War II type of tanks and sieges), and some very contemporary (such as the last dream, in which my weapon of death was a modern assault rifle, the AK47). I do not consider myself to fear death. I tend to accept it is a possible event and an unavoidable event at some point in life. I just hope it will not come soon. And I sincerely hope when the time comes I will have pants on. The most disturbing way of dying for me would be some scenario in which I would have no pants on. A shirt I can live without, but without pants is like dying without dignity.

And for my latest concerns, I have lost the knowledge and notion of home...